thedandyman

For those of you who caught my last two entries before I had the chance to edit them, I am sorry. I'm about to hop in bed with Nemo. Tomorrow is a new day, and I plan on spending most of it with my brother.

Life is forever changing and throwing paths in front of me, and I'm not going to fight these paths anymore. I'm enjoying what's going on for me right now far too much to be brought down. Things are going well for once, and they're going to continue to go well, so help me.

I just have to shift the framework a little.

Horn Playing was invented by Jesus Christ in the 28th Century, and therefore should be regarded as the most enriching and satisfying activity known to inhumankind.

EDIT... Remix.

Saturdays, though, are still damned by God.

It's comforting to be back here. Not that I didn't have an amazing time while in Wichita, as I did, but being back in Lawrence feels good. I got back on Saturday evening, in which Andy was here waiting for me. There was much rejoicing in reuniting with him, and I can only hope that this is continually moving somewhere good. I think I'm starting to let myself fall pretty hard for him, and I think I came to this conclusion over this last break. I guess what I'm trying to say is that things are looking good, and I hope they continue to. I'm drifting... Andy and I decided to rent and watch a movie, but I wasn't sure how well that was going to go, as I was exhausted from being up since 7AM due to my mom requesting that I go with her to get her hair cut. Drives anywhere also tend to take up most of my energy. I think I fell asleep thrice during the movie, but it could have been more. I'm not sure of the increments of time.

Sunday was great. Andy let me stay in bed til noonish, in which he came home from practicing and told me to get my ass up so we could go get lunch with James, Brandon, Louise, and Steven. I figured I could be social, and we met up at my house and headed to Jefferson's. There were many wings to be had, by all except Louise. Louise had experimented with them, and then reconfirmed that she did in fact hate Buffalo Wings. She stuck with corn chips. After that, I feel like we all lounged around the house for a couple hours, did a lot of nothing after that, and then ordered Pizza. We played Spades while we waited for the delivery. At first I thought I had never played Spades before, but as the rules started getting explained to me, I realized that there was one time in which I had. It was kind of haunting at first when I had the memory resurface, and it made me feel uneasy, but that didn't stop me from having a fun time. Andy and I were partners, and we beat Steven and Brandon, probably because we had to cut the game short so Brandon could go to work.

Then as fast as the day had started for me, it was over. Andy and I were back at his place, and I was schooling him in the ways of Super Smash Brothers. I kissed him a thousand times and went to bed.

~Brian

We just got done with another amazing Bang!-a-thon. I, as always, didn't win any of them, but I still had fun. It's been rough not having people that have played the game more around, because we find ourselves messing rules up and such. Shawn has had no less than four emotional breakdowns due to discovering new rules mid-game, though I think by the end of this evening, we'd ironed most of them out.

Today has been incredibly productive. I woke up earlier and hung around with my mom for awhile, dreading the moment in which she would ask for my creative help in dealing with her new task: shoving hundreds of lights into a tiny glass cube normally used for building showers. She saw something this in a craft store and fell in love with them. She kept saying "Oh God, Brian! I just want to make one for your porch that has a little Jayhawk Print on one side, and KU on the other". My mother doesn't seem to realize I have little to no school spirit. It's not that I hate KU, it's just that I don't get into much of anything that involves being proud of a certain attribute, characteristic, or representational organization. It's not that I hate people that do, but among the many things in my life, I've never experienced "School Spirit", "Gay Pride", or "White Power". I hope all of my friends find humor in that, and no one takes offense.

After squeezing hundreds of lights into these glass cubes, my dad came and picked me up to take me to "The Leather Store" or some other completely unoriginally titled store that sold leather. People that know me realize that I picture things in my head that are perfect, and become extremely disappointed that once realized they are less than perfect. Though this cannot be said for many of my life goals, harr harr, when it comes to crafting things, it still holds completely true. The task at hand was making leather guards for Gunnar. He originally had one the leadpipe, but I wanted one for the main pipe as well as where it rests on my knee on the bell. As it turns out, no one sells them, so I had to pattern out a design of my own. That was not fun in the least bit. It took me a few hours to actually sit down, measure, experiment, etc. I completely started over a couple times, but I wasn't going to bed or giving up. It was going to be perfect. After the patterns were made to my pleasing, this so-called "Leather Store" was not going to stop these things from being realized. The leather had to be perfect. As it turns out, perfect leather is not cheap, and I was forced to the scrap bin after being quoted seventy dollars for a piece about two and a half feet by two and a half feet. I spent a good twenty minutes shoveling through this thing to find matching pieces. When I took them up to the counter, the woman must have seen that I was covered in recently dead animal shavings, and decided to just give me the leather I had so rightfully earned in my excavation. Amen to you sister.

Hard at work, my grandma helped me stitch them together. I know when most people picture someone sitting down with their grandma to quilt or stitch, an image of rocking chairs and sewing needles mixed with quiet conversation usually arises. In our case, it involves thousands of dollars worth of sewing equipment, sounds equivalent to Harley Davidson conventions, and conversations of my recently pregnant cousin. The leather guards, because of all of these things, were amazing. I'm completely pleased with them. They're 3 layered to prevent moisture from tarnishing and wearing on the often-touched Sterling, professionally and amzingly well put together, and attractive. I was one happy Horn Player/Grandson.

Tomorrow, I'm returning to Lawrence after a little shopping, both for clothing and mutes. Andy is coming home as well, and I couldn't be more excited to see him. Though I was dreading this vacation because I wouldn't see him for a few days, distrance really has made my heart that much fonder, and I'm completely looking forward to seeing him.

All in all, this has been a great vacation.

Love,
Brian

I geuss it's been a crazy couple of days since I've been back in Wichita. The time seems to go by much more slowly, but in a way, that's a good thing because I feel like I'm getting things done that I need to get done. I've had a lot of fun while I've been down here as well.

I got into town on Monday night. There wasn't a ton going on when I got home, but I sat down and briefly caught up with my family and planned some events for what was then yesterday. We also had a mission to go to Walmart and pick up some things my mom needed and a copy of "War of the Worlds", which I hadn't seen. Shawn and I came home and played World of Warcraft until we were too tired to walk and then we passed out.

Tuesday. My mom woke me up and we cleaned and moved things around for a bit. She had the carpets in the basement professionally cleaned in preparing for Thanksgiving. Once that was finished, my mom and I headed up to Wichita Band and Senseny Music. I was in town shopping for mutes and such, and ended up looking at a couple but deciding to wait until Wichita Band gets an Alexander in. Hopefully it will be Friday, but I'm thinking probably not. We did however get these leather things that you intricately tie around your rotors on your horn. I like them, but it took a lot of time and precision to actually get them on. I did it while watching War of the Worlds, and half of the movie was me spent making sure it was perfect. As it turns out... it is. LoL Once my dad got home, we had pizza and then headed up to the highlight of the evening: Mannheim Steamroller Live in Wichita. It was hilarious enough, but there is something that I respect about people that can maintain the interest of 15-90 year old groups of people with digitally bizzare Christmas carols. We ate roasted nuts, drank diet pepsi, allowed Shawn to grey the woman's hair in front of us with his gas, and enjoyed the concert. It was an impressive and fun time.

And today... Today we cleaned... today we got irritated with cleaning... and today my Grandma embroidered "Gunnar" onto my Horn case. She loves me, and in turn I am the spoiled grandchild. Maybe it's just because I take interest in doing the things she does. It's not that I love sewing or stitching or quilting, but on the same token, I do get a sense of accomplishment and pride in making something for myself. I love that my Grandma gives me opportunities like that... but today it was all her doing, and I just sat and watched. The card game "Bang!" made its way into our house today, but has yet to be played... I want very much to play it. Maybe tomorrow.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you guys1 I miss everyone very much.

Love,
Brian

Band Fucking 404.

I suppose given my entry last night, it isn't fair to just leave people hanging like that... I guess it's important to clear up that I wasn't upset or angry with anyone for more than 11.5 seconds, and if anyone would have guessed that I was being emo, they had probably pinpointed it on the wrong reason.

But here I am, today, nine beers later. And it's all good. A little rule number 6 and BTFI, and I should be okay. I can't be angry with things that are beyond my control and all I can do is what I was doing before... Just enjoy what I was doing.

But to elaborate on the happenings of last night... I had a great time. I'd never hung out with so many Horn players, though James, not JH, seemed to think Horn players are just a bunch of nerds, he was wrong. The Horn Players in our studio are awesome. I feel bad for anyone who had to endure any awkward conversation with Joe about previous sex experiments or being drunk and horny... I hope it was kept at a minimum. I managed to get the entire house clean before Brandon got home too... AMAZING. It's like nothing ever happened. Hopefully the neighbors weren't angry with any amount of volume that might have been escaping our house. I guess I just hope that everything went as well for everyone else as it did for me. And tonite... I want to finish watching the Red Violin.

Much love guys,
XOXO
Brian Isham

I should be happy but I'm just horribly broken.

Sorry for the lack of updates this week. It's been crazily hectic. I've had papers to write, auditions to prepare for, houses to clean, kids to watch, work to do... It's almost over. This weekend will be clear sailing.

I'm getting the place clean for the Horn Party tonite. I'm nervous, because I've never been around most of these people on a non-Horn playing basis. I'm looking forward to it, and it should be fun, but I'm just terribly nervous. Hopefully I can keep the house clean long enough today for it to be successful... And hopefully the catfish won't come out of his room.

About my audition on Wednesday... after feeling like I'd prepared so well and done everything I could have done to have a good audition, I realized that as much as it matters, once you're playing alone in a giant room for three very judgmental people, nerves tend to get the best of you. I don't know how I did, and I won't know how I did until Monday, but I'm nervous. I want to believe I played well enough, but in the back of my mind, I'm just scared about it. We'll see soon enough.

As for the rest of the week, it went by so quickly I don't even know what about it to record. What'd I do? Oh yeah... Work on Wednesday was entertaining... Jason, the bosses son, is relatively hard working, but also completely ignorant. He once made a sign that read "Sorry for the enconvenance, the ather store is opin tel 7PM at 6th and Montara". We talked mostly about his life achievements, buying a house, buying some cars, buying his girlfriend into his life and supporting her two children, fixing up cars, finding his buddies women to date... It's a simple life, but he seems completely happy, and for that I'm jealous. How amazing to be completely fulfilled, or at least talk as if you were, at age 22. Granted, his vocabulary could use some work... You go Jason.

I need to get to work... There is much to do and little daylight left.

Love,
Brian

"Oh, and by the way, it's official... I can't have children." ~Debby Downer

I'm sick. I don't mind it so much generally, but I really can't afford to be sick THIS WEEK... I have too much to do. As always, I appreciate all the generous flowers, prepared meals, and gifts of money you've been sending because of my ailment. You're all too kind. For those of you who haven't... SHAME.

Anyway... I'm going to do my best at getting over this for the day, and for tomorrow... I will fake being in complete and perfect health for these next two days if it kills me.

Love,
Brian

This weekend happened so slowly, I can't even begin to place my finger on where to start it all over again, this time in the form of typed words on screen... Let's see... I will go with.... Friday.

Friday: Shawn and I hung around his house for most of the day. I was pleased when I heard the expression "Hello Starshine! The Earth says "Hello!"". That movie was so funny that I had to watch it twice that day. The plan for the evening is that everyone was to meet at JH's house that night in order to have a little dinner festivity/party/drinkity. I showed up 20 minutes late as per usual. We all know how I hate being on time for anything. I immediately started drinking, and now for the life of me, I can't entirely figure out why. It's not that I wanted to get horribly sloshed that night. I suppose I have my secret motive, but it shall remain that forever. Once I was nice and toasty, Julie Wilder joined in on the party action. During Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, she decided to be hilarious... Willy Wonka's father is giving him an oral exam, and says "I haven't seen bicuspid's like these since... since..." and Julie Chimes in melodically "SINCE YOU BEEN GONE!!!"... I was dying... everyone was cracking up... It's just not something you expect to hear from Julie.

Saturday: Sleep all day. Yeah right. What I mean by that is WORK all day. I hate Saturday's for the most part. I did manage to finish another book, but now, unfortunately for my situation, I have ran out of books. I have, in my collection, only about nine books in my collection that I enjoy reading. Even more pathetic is that that four of them I recieved last year, and up to that point I only had four, another one being gifted to me within the past month. So what makes a good present for me these days? A GOD DAMNED BOOK THAT I'LL ENJOY. Take note, as it is the only thing other than "SINCE YOU BEEN GONE" that is in complete capitalization. After work, I went to JH's house for a little bit, as everyone was hanging out there... Good times. We didn't stay there too long, and then made a getaway over to Stefan's, in which we all played an awesome little game called "Bang"... I plan on buying it, so instead of me explaining it to you, we can just play together... yay.

Sunday: Andy and I joined the rest of the planet at India Palace. It was a nice time. JH had unfortunately missed the performance he was supposed to give in Pittsburg, KS. I felt somewhat responsible, and very guilty. I shouldn't have pressured him into coming out with us the night before. I should on the same token, pressured him into going to bed early. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but now I do have on my mind "I am a bad friend." For my own sake, I hope this statement isn't true. After food, we hung out and watched eight hundred million episodes of "Next" on MTV, followed by practicing, followed by a Euphonium Recital, followed by LOTR: ROTK. If you don't know what that is, I pity for your soul.
That is all for now.

Loves,
Brian

Earlier this afternoon, I had a conversation at my brother's apartment with a young lady named Sally, who goes by "My Vagina Demands Respect" on MSN. Though I was unfortunately able to capture the entire conversation with her, I was able to get this last bit, before we bid eachother adieu:

Shawn *Humping* says:
Well, probably more than a few months.
Shawn *Humping* says:
I haven't lived with him for a while.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
it was sometime like in april i think
Shawn *Humping* says:
Well, I'm afraid now I have to pump up the sound system and take a journey to Ibiza.
Shawn *Humping* says:
It's been a long day.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
i have no idea what you just said
Shawn *Humping* says:
^_^
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
ooooooh...thats kinda what i thought
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
but i didnt wanna make assumptions
Shawn *Humping* says:
LoL Do you want me to deliver any certain message to twin brother for you?
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
ummmm...
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yeah..no
Shawn *Humping* says:
The message is "no"?
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
is he at class or something?
Shawn *Humping* says:
Si senorita, and I'm dogsitting.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yeah...he seems to love the hell outta that dog
Shawn *Humping* says:
He's a good boyee.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
your such a nerd....it makes me laugh
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
at you
Shawn *Humping* says:
o.O
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
sean is much more fun to talk to
Shawn *Humping* says:
Is that part of the message as well?
Shawn *Humping* says:
I agree completely... SHAWN is much more fun to talk to.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
oh well fuck me for spelling it wrong
Shawn *Humping* says:
^_^
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
are you in your happy place?
Shawn *Humping* says:
o.O His house generally is his happy place... I would hate to intrude.
Shawn *Humping* says:
I'm just dogsitting.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yeah...ok
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
i just farted and its really warm....is that a bad sign?
Shawn *Humping* says:
I'm not really sure. It sounds like the pipes are working, so you should be shipshape.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
hmmmmm....to funny
Shawn *Humping* says:
But don't quote me... I'm not in a medical profession.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
ok...i wont then
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
so which twin gets all the girls?
Shawn *Humping* says:
He does.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
whys that?
Shawn *Humping* says:
Because I'm gay.
Shawn *Humping* says:
God gave one to men, and one to women.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
guess so
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
so everybody gets lucky
Shawn *Humping* says:
Exactly, a collective whole "happy".
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
now that you say your gay ...i do remember him telling me that
Shawn *Humping* says:
LoL I'm not really sure what to say to that... so I'll stick with "Awesome".
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
unless your both yanking my chain
Shawn *Humping* says:
I wouldn't have any reason to.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yes you do....you dont have a clue who i am so...why not lie..it would be fun
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
hahaa
Shawn *Humping* says:
Because that's not my idea of fun. ^_^
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
so what do you do to have fun
Shawn *Humping* says:
Read, Play French Horn, Spend time with friends, drink socially, roll down hills drunk, playing Mario Kart, you know, those sorts of things.
Shawn *Humping* says:
I leave harassment for Shawn.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
hmmmmm...ok
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
hahaha yes and he is good at it
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
no.... i woudnt know
Shawn *Humping* says:
If anyone would know... He wrapped the cord around my neck before birth... he was trying to hang me on my way out...
Shawn *Humping* says:
most other twins would have just eaten the other one.
Shawn *Humping* says:
Not Shawn.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
thats crazy
Shawn *Humping* says:
He's a crazy guy.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yep
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
so when do brothers classes end/
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
?
Shawn *Humping* says:
I think around 3:20 or something along those lines.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
that suck
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
s
Shawn *Humping* says:
I agree. His dog is boring me to tears.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yeah me too
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
sooo....do you know anyone from coffeyville?
Shawn *Humping* says:
No, I've only driven through it.
Shawn *Humping* says:
My uncle went there once and wrote an article about it. But my uncle's writing is less than amusing, so I didn't read much of it.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
thats nice...
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
coffeyville sucks...
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
thats about it
Shawn *Humping* says:
But that's about me only experience with coffeyville.
Shawn *Humping* says:
Why do they call it Coffeyville?
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
i have no idea
Shawn *Humping* says:
It's one of the few cities in Kansas with a European name as opposed to Native American.
Shawn *Humping* says:
I guess I'll have to look that up.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
theres some people that live in lawrence that i know that are from coffeyville....thats the reason that i asked
Shawn *Humping* says:
Interesting, I don't think I know anyone, but then again, people never fail to surprise me. Surely someone I know is from Coffeyville.
Shawn *Humping* says:
And from this day forward, I will ask until I find one.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
hahahaaaa
Shawn *Humping* says:
And when I find that one... I'll get back with you... and you'll probably say "Nope, I don't know them." Then I'll be disheartened, and I'll probably never ask another question until the day I die.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
your a very dry person
Shawn *Humping* says:
That's a bold statement, from knowing me for such a short time.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
do you believe im wrong?
Shawn *Humping* says:
I believe you're entitled to your own perception. Who am I to question it?
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
ok
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
ya know....i was named after my uncle brian
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
just thought i would throw that out there
Shawn *Humping* says:
If your name isn't Brian, how is that possible?
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
because my his middle name is brian...but he goes by that...anyway my middle name is brianne and its the female verson of brian
Shawn *Humping* says:
That's interesting. My middle name is Patrick, and that was chosen because he's the patron Saint of Ireland.
Shawn *Humping* says:
Shawn's middle name was chosen because it's also my dad's middle name...
Shawn *Humping* says:
So you and Shawn have something slightly in common.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
do you really think so?
Shawn *Humping* says:
Well, based on the information... Sure.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
hahahaaa...
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
man
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
crazy
Shawn *Humping* says:
Something like that.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
and ya know my aunt kerie was called the fag hag in high school because all her friends were gay guys
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
just thought i would throw that out there too
Shawn *Humping* says:
That's funny. There weren't alot of gay guys at Shawn and I's highschool, so I'm not sure if we had a tagged fag hag.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yeah...the coolest one dyed of aids
Shawn *Humping* says:
Wow, that epidemic tends to kill most of the fags.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yeah it was sad
Shawn *Humping* says:
I can imagine. I don't know anyone with AIDS. That'd be horribly sad.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
have i offended you?
Shawn *Humping* says:
No.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
cause i really didnt mean to
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
well i dont mean to
Shawn *Humping* says:
I don't think you've said anything to offend me thus far.
Shawn *Humping* says:
So don't worry about it.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
ok
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
im not a total ditz i swear
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
i am blonde so i do have that working against me
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
haha
Shawn *Humping* says:
Well, even if you were, I have tons of friends that are, so I would be in fine company...
Shawn *Humping* says:
I, too, myself am blonde.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
ok cool
Shawn *Humping* says:
I know... but I don't the stereotype generally passes on to males.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yeah...
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
so what are you going to school for?
Shawn *Humping* says:
East Asian Studies and Anthropology
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
awesome
Shawn *Humping* says:
They're both fun programs, and pretty interesting. Unfortunately, I'm getting tired of school and want a real job.
Shawn *Humping* says:
And I'm not sure what that real job is going to be.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yeah
Shawn *Humping* says:
So I'm just going to stay in school and bleed it dry.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
sounds like a plan
Shawn *Humping* says:
It should be. Do you live in Coffeyville, or are you at KU from Coffeyville?
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
no i live in coffeyville
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
unfortunatley
Shawn *Humping* says:
What do you do in Coffeyville?
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
i work at a credit union'
Shawn *Humping* says:
I've wanted to work for a bank while I've been in college, I just never found one that was looking for part time people while I've been here.
Shawn *Humping* says:
So instead, I work at a liquor store.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
nice..i wanna work at a bar at night...but i dont wanna get raped
Shawn *Humping* says:
Yeah, I don't blame you. Getting raped would be a horrible thing to happen to anyone.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
yeah...i dont think i could defend myself...but then again if i was being raped i could probably surprise myself
Shawn *Humping* says:
Generally in circumstances of dire need, we're capable of things we didn't think possible. So you may want to take a chance at a barmaid position. You just might find yourself liberated.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
you do read alot....
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
im blown away by you intelligence
Shawn *Humping* says:
Usually just at the liquor store... And for classes.
Shawn *Humping* says:
I think I hear Shawn pulling into the driveway, so I better log out. He'll kill me if he knew I was chatting on his computer.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
hahahaaa no he wouldnt
Shawn *Humping* says:
It was completely by accident, though. I didn't realize his MSN was left on.
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
hahahaaa ok
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
well...tell him he should get on
Shawn *Humping* says:
Anyway, it was a pleasure talking to you Sally. I'll deliver the message to him once I see him. Have a lovely afternoon. ^_^
"My vagina demands respect." Jerry Banzet says:
ok bye

I'm going to miss her, but during the coversation I became very aware that my given name was "Shawn *Humping*". I can only wonder what happens when the respect demanding vagina and humping are capable of when they get together.

Love,
Brian

As I said, I just finished this book, and there were a lot of things that I'm pinpointing that I really enjoyed about it. Since I know most people won't read the book, and will read my LiveJournal, here you go:

"Recognizing Pablo Picasso in a train compartment, a man inquired of the artist why he did not paint people "the way they really are." Picasso asked what he meant by the expression. The man opened his wallet and took out a snapshot of his wife saying "That's my wife." Picasso responded, "Isn't she rather small and flat?""

"For instance, I once had a distraught young tenor ask to speak to me after class. He told me he'd lost his girlfriend and was in such despair that he was almost unable to function. I consoled him, but the teacher in me was secretly delighted. Now he would be able to fully express the heartrending passion of the song in Schubert's Die Winterreise about the loss of the beloved. That song had completely eluded him the previous week, because up to then, the only object of affection he had ever lost was a pet Goldfish. My teacher, the great cellist Gaspar Cassado, used to say to us as students, "I'm so sorry for you; your lives have been so easy. You can't play great music unless your heart's been broken.""

"This student, in a brilliant flash, had hit upon "the secret of life." He had realized that it's all invented, it's all a game. The number 68 (in reference to his academic standing in class) is invented and the A is invented, so we might as well choose to invent something that brightens our life and the lives of the people around us."

"The lesson I learned is that the player who looks the least engaged may be the most commited member of the group... the secret is not to speak to a person's cynicism, but to speak to [their] passion."

""So," I tell the class, "the next time you hear the little second violin melody in your head that says, "I'm not going to class because I'm too tired, ' or 'I have too much to do, and I know it won't make any difference anyway' -remember that you are an A student. An A student is a leading player in any class, an integral voice, and the class cannot make its music without that voice.""

"When we give an A, we can be open to a perspective different from our own. For after all, it is only to a person whom you have granted an A that you will really listen, and it is an that rare instance when you have ears for another person that you can truly appreciate a fresh point of view."

"Of course, my father was not happy with himself. Who would take himself so thoroughly away from the world, but a person who felt he had nothing of value to offer."

"The only grace you can have is the grace you can imagine. An A radiates possibilty through a family, a workplace, and a community, gaining strength, bringing joy and expression and a flowering of talent and productivity. Who knows how far it will travel?"

"Perhaps that is part of the reason why a recent study of various professions relvealed that orchestral players, while not the most disaffected in the survey, experience a job satisfaction level just below that of prison guards."

"...The story of these young people highlights another meaning of the phrase "Silent Conductor". A leader does not need a podium; she can be sitting quietly on the edge of any chair, listening passionately and with commitment, fully prepared to take up the baton. In fact, ..., the leader may be any one of us."

"Rule Number Six, "Don't take yourself so goddamn seriously.""

"No matter how confident or well-positioned this adult self appears, underneath the surface it is weak and sees itself as marginal, at risk for losing everything."

"What would have to change for me to be completely fulfilled?"

"Imagine a world in which your entire possession is one raspberry, and you give it to your friend."

"Confident that it can deal with whatever comes its way, it sees itself as permeable rather than vulnerable, and stays open to influence, to the new and unknown.  Under no illusion that it can control the movement of the river, it joins rather than resisting its beautiful flow."

"Angels can fly there because, as you may have heard, they take themselves lightly.  But now with the help of a single rule (Rule 6), so can we."

"Mistakes can be like ice.  If we resist them, we may keep on slipping into a posture of defeat.  If we include mistakes in our definition of performance, we are likely to glide through them and appreciate the beauty of the longer run."

"Sometime the capacity to be present without resistance eludes even the most loving parents when their children are troubled.  They may not be able to bear their children's pain, stand close enough to comfort them, or even listen to their words."

"Nature makes no judgement.  Humans do."

"Good and Bad are categories we impose on the world -they are not the world itself."

"Abstractions that we unwittingly treat as physical reality tend to block us from seeing the way things are, and therefore reduce our power to accomplish what we say we want."

"Shine attention on obstacles and problems and they multiply lavishly."

"The practice of being with the way things are allows to alight in a place of openness, where "the truth" readies us for the next step, and the sky opens up."

"Playing a piece of music is an exercise in antigravity."

"From then on we had another new distinction in the class called "Beyond The Fuck It", which fast became part of the folklore of all my classes, and showed up in the students as a spiritedness in going beyond where before they might have stopped.  Several months after my visit to a Catholic Girls' school in California, I recieved a letter from the headmistress, informing me that BTFI had become their unofficial school motto."

"Yet, were we to take a "no" less personally, and ourselves less seriously, we might hear something else.  We might hear someone saying, "I don't see any new possibility here, so I think I'll stick with my usual way of doing things."  We might hear within the word "no" an invention for enrollment."

"The Life force for humankind is, perhaps, nothing more or less than the passionate energy to connect, express, and communicate."

"So the first part of the exercise is to declare: "I am the framerwork for everything that happens in my life.""

"Gracing yourself with responsibility for everything that happens in your life leaves your spirit whole, and leaves you free to choose again."

"If you had the illusion that you really were the cause of the sun rising or of all human suffering, your friends would soon have you carted off in a white van or at least prescribed a large dose of Rule Number Six."

"When you name yourself as "the gameboard", your attention turns to repairing a breakdown in relationship.  That is why apologies come so easily."

"I have realized that someone who stands up to me and is unwilling to accept abusive behavior is more of an ally than someone who goes along with it, either out of fear or resignation."

"A vision is an open invitation and an ispiration for people to create ideas and events that correlate with its definitional framework."

"She vowed not to say anything that could not stand as the last thing she ever said.  Is she 100 percent successful?  We would have to presume not.  But no matter: Such a distinction is not a standard to live up to, but a framework of possibility to live into."

"The practice of WE draws on all other practices.  And if you attune your ear, you will hear the voice of WE singing through each one of them in harmony."  In reference to transforming I to WE.

"I am done with great things and big plans, great institutions and big successes.  I am for those tiny, invisible loving human forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets, or like the capillary oozing of water, yet which, if given time, will rend the hardest monuments of human pride." ~William James

I know some of these are incredibly corny, but I found a lot of validity in this writing.  What I enjoyed about it was that it didn't speak on a lot of systematic beliefs and such, but just gave a method for changing frameworks and opening possibilities.  This book didn't need a door to close for another to open, it was about choosing the open door that best suited you. 

Thanks Mom,

Brian 

Today was absolutely no different than any other Thursday, but fortunately, I'm a big fan of these Thursdays. I, however, feel compelled to share my dream that I had last night. I already wrote this on my friend JH's LiveJournal since he also had an instrumental dream, but it was strange no less.

I was in a very large elevator with my brother, Tricia West, Tricia's Mother (Whom I've never seen or met), James Henry, and eventually Kyra Sims. We were passing around this amazingly old and rickety French Horn, that didn't look playable in the least. Shawn was playing on it, and poorly, as a person who has never played a French Horn would play one, and I was asking for him to give it to me. Kyra said "Yes, give it to Brian and he will play something amazing", in which I quickly dismissed that idea, stating that something amazing could not be played on a Horn like this. I pulled out the main tuning slide and pulled out of it what looked like a mouthpiece brush covered in what I could only describe as a combination of Slide Oil, Valve Oil, Cookies and Chewing Tobacco. With that removed, I started to play the Horn, better than I can actually play any instrument, and better than I've heard most Horns ever sound. I woke up shortly after thinking about it, and trying to find some meaning in it. I think the reason I had this dream was because of the book I just finished, talking about redefining your potential and not verbally and mentally limiting yourself because of what the mind thinks is its limit. My perception was that because the Horn looked horrible, it would play horrible, when in fact, it was completely the opposite. Hopefully, I can keep this mindset up.

I'm about to go on what I'm calling the "DOOM Date". Andy really wants to see Doom, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in the city that will be willing to go and see it with him, so I'm going to. I've been looking forward to this since Monday, so hopefully, all will go well.

Here's to Friday.

Love,
Brian

To update on the actual happenings of the evening: Doom was not playing in theatres any longer, so we chose to watch "A History of Violence". It wasn't my favorite, but if you do enjoy unneccessary sex and gore, I would definitely suggest this one. I'm not terribly sure what I was thinking when I left the movie... but during the movie I do recall having to readjust my face so I didn't look so appalled. Nothing like a quick smile to fake understanding or comprehension... Remember James, just smile and wave, and no one will ask questions. Oh, and apparently my brother has bought another dog. I can assure everyone, there is not a new puppy in my near future, though it seems the rest of my family is addicted to purchasing small animals... It's another boxer... tentatively named Achilles. May Achilles rain turds on their carpet as Apollo rained arrows on the Greeks. I'm sure he will be devastatingly cute.

In other happenings, I love my family something fierce. I can't wait to see all of them again. This semester is going well, and I couldn't be happier.

I don't know why I dread work so much lately... Sometimes it's people I work with... Sometimes it's knowing that there are other things that I've dedicated myself to that I should be doing instead... Sometimes it's just depressing... Tonite, however was different. I read all night. I finished the last of my birthday presents from last year "Me Talk Pretty One Day". It was a good one to finish on, as it was acutally signed by David Sedaris and it really took me back to that night. I also finished the book my mom sent me, "The Art of Possibility". I've been talking about this book with my friends for the past week, and I love it. I want to read it again. I love the way this Benjamin Zander character equates most of life to music. Reading this book has actually helped me realize a lot of things in life. I'm sending it back to my mom so that she can actually read it, and I hope she'll take from it many of the same things I did.

On a happier note, Andy came in and visited me tonite. He gave me two very essential things: The new Death Cab CD and A Note on How to Deal with Idiotic People I work with. Here were his tips:

Andy's Tips to Entertain Yourself When Working With Stupid People
1. Constantly ask "How's the go going?" This will send them in circles for hours.

2. Teach them their ABC's. It's fun and educational.

3. Give them sedatives. (I believe I was most fond of this one.)

4. Teach them "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". They already know the tune from their ABC's. Teach them the new words- They'll feel smart.

After he left, I just sat back and thought about how happy I was. Staring off past the liquor, past the idiots, and at the Explorer driving away, hoping he was as happy as I was.

On a sidenote, if you encounter someone reading, don't engage in coversations that are intended to last more than five seconds. It's annoying as all get-up. I will kill you next time.

XOXO,
Brian

Tonite, I'm going to bed sad and lonely.

Sometimes I feel like I'm terribly misunderstood. It leads me to question my capacity to do what it is I feel like I'm on this damn planet to do: I just want people to be happy. I want my friends to be happy with me. I want my family to be happy with me. Sometimes I look so far outside of myself and I forget my friends want the same for me. They want me to make myself happy. Why can't I get over that and look inside myself for things like this. I'm so worried that I may be doing something to displease someone. I guess the hole thing is circular. I wish I knew a better way.

For those of you who don't know, my LiveJournal name "TheDandyMan", a name I've taken to many things as of late, originates from a character in my favorite Anime, Ah! My Goddess. Belldandy is a goddess who basically dedicates herself to doing everything in her power to make a human, Keichi, the happiest man on Earth. Her character is amazing and ideal... She has the capacity to forgive, understand, optimize situations, all at same time maintaining a balance in humanity. Some people would believe her character is terribly saccharine, but I guess if I could idealize any characters attributes... it would be hers. This may seem silly, being that it's from an Anime, but I totally want to be able to identify with that kind of character.

So now, I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what I can do better. I realize I can't make everyone happy. Lately I'm trying all sorts of new things to make my life and the lives of the people around me easier and less stressful, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough.

I'm laughing... this entry is atypical of me. I'm scared of a lot of things right now... I feel like I'm losing some of my friends because I'm so misunderstood. I feel like I'm on the right track now, after being so horribly off for the past couple years. I don't want to be misunderstood, and I don't want to lose any of these people that are so close to me. I guess that just means I have to show that I really do give a damn.

Much Love LiveJournal,
Brian

Yesterday was relatively uneventful. I did the typical Monday routine, added in some practice time to get ready for auditions, and then I came and sat at home for a while. It was discussed at lunch that we'd go see a movie at 9PM, but that fell through horribly. People were under the impression that I was planning it, but I was just as clued in as anyone. I didn't want to take any responsibility for trying to put together a group movie for the exact reason it fell through... No one agrees on what to go see. I was willing to see anything, up to, and including Chicken Little... Unfortunately, things didn't work out. Instead, Shawn had a tiny baby dinner thing over at his place, which turned out to be quite nice. He made Chicken Alfredo and some garlic bread, and I rented a movie called Equilibrium, which I'd seen before, but Andy, Shawn, and Elaine had not. It worked out fairly well. The movie is a lot like the Matrix, and was definitely a lot worse the second time around. I think I tended to pick it apart quite a bit more. Oh well, regardless, I still had a great time.

Today should be excellent. I'm excited about this Horn Workshop thing that's going on during Horn Ensemble. A group that converts instruments into nicer instruments through personalization is coming and and working with the Horn studio. I don't imagine they'll be converting any today, but hopefully they'll go over the process, as well as show off some of their stuff. I'm excited. ^_^ I love me some French Horn. Anyway, I need to get off this thing... Much love guys!

XOXO,
Brian

On a side note, the damn horn thing didn't happen, but I still did have an amazing time with Kyra at dinner and assisting Casey on T.F. (Not Tittyfuck).

For as an exciting and happy of a day as I had last night, my dreams of last evening were less than happy. Please note, normally when I dream, I dream of completely relevant issues that go on with my life. Generally, they involve me or people I know. Last night was not the case.

THIS IS JUST A DREAM:
It opened up with a group of high school students playing baseball. They were all relatively good players and, for whatever reason, I was enjoying watching them play. Out of nowhere, anywhere between ten and fifteen men with rifles started firing on them. I just sat there, watching in horror as they killed this high school baseball team. Some of the members fell to the ground without being shot, and the members of the firing team would walk up behind them and shoot them in the backs of their heads. This dream lasted for what felt like hours, and I remember waking up completely more terrified than I've ever felt before. It was terribly disturbing, as most of you can probably imagine. I've never had a relatively violent dream in my entire life, and have spent the better part of this morning trying to figure out why it happened.

THIS IS NO LONGER A DREAM, ^_^:
Yesterday was tons 'o' fun. We started the morning by starting it in the afternoon. Normally I'm up at around 8AM, but today, Andy and I slept in until around noon, noon-thirtyish. It was refreshing, but for the rest of the day, I was yawning and I couldn't figure out why. We headed up to Murphy to get some practice time in, until we broke momentarily for the Wind Ensemble concert. It was a great concert. I wasn't as pleased with the opening Fanfare, possibly because it's so familiar and it sounded a little off, but I enjoyed how he fluidly put the first four pieces together. It was a cool effect, and they meshed very well. The Clarinet section of the concert was pretty impressive as well.

After the concert, we got Coldstone and went to visit Emma. God love that girl, and free ice cream. It makes my day that much better. We also headed to Panera to grab some dinner. I had a good time, and I want to thank Andy again for the soup. That was sweet of you... Muh hah ha. After dinner, Andy and I headed back up to Murphy to practice a little more. He was getting frusturated working on scales, probably because he's an amazing player without spending hours and hours on them, and he doesn't understand why he needs to know them so well... I honestly can't answer that question. I tried to, but he obviously plays very well without knowing them forwards and backwards at quarter note equals 1.5 trillion. He's cute when he's frusturated though.

He dropped me off at my car afterwards and then I went over to Shawn's for about three hours. I tried to watch a movie, but they wouldn't have any of it. Instead I watched football. It bored me to tears. Finally, I left and went back over to Andy's, watched an episode of QaF, and passed out. There is something about watching failing relationships and infidelity on television shows that crushes my dating spirit. For whatever reason, it scares me that all relationships end up ending in some traumatic and senesless way. I hope that this isn't always true. When I see things like that, I try to think of my parents, and how happy they are, and I realize that I'm just as capable of both making someone that happy, and making it last. Amen brutha. With that, I went to bed.

XOXO,
Brian

It's been a while since I've updated and quite a bit has happened.

The other night I went and grabbed coffee with Julie Wilder. Our actual intentions were to grab Custard, but we went to three of the Custard places across town and all of them were closed. It was terribly sad, as you can imagine. What was funny about the situation was that apparently Julie makes all traffic lights turn Yellow and then Red. She ran most of them, out of fear that I would judge her for stopping at traffic lights, but other times she didn't want to risk it. Normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal, thinking it all being about timing of lights, but we went from my house to 6th, to 23rd and Iowa, to 31st and Kasold, and then back downtown, and I don't think a single light was green for us. It was odd. I did have fun getting coffee, however, when it finally happened.

Yesterday, I had my discussion class, in which no one said a word, but I managed to get a couple lines in. I was happy to hear my instructor say "That was very well worded and exactly the point." Normally I don't get that in my discussion classes... Normally I just sit there and draw pictures for Christina Bader and talk about our future lineage of children. After that, I went and practiced at Murphy for a while. I had a great time. Andy kept popping his head in my room, which was cute, but I hated playing in front of him. I don't think he had ever heard me before, and I just didn't want sight reading a piece would come across as the best first impression. Oh well, I was still just happy he kept coming to see me. Oh, that Andy Chester...

After that, I went to the Tuba-Euphonium Consort Concert, which was pretty impressive. It's a lot of sound, and that many low playing instruments is kind of lulling. I sat next to Steven Elliot, which was fun. I don't hang out with him, just the two of us very often, but we have pretty similar personalities and senses of humor, so it was enjoyable.

And finally the evening finished up with the Margarita party of the century. The tequila had my drunk in about 20 minutes. It was embarassing, and everyone last night, aside from Jane Segebrecht and and Andrew Fuchs, to my knowledge at least, was drunk. I had a good time. At one point, I was spooning my horn on my bed. At another point, there was trivial pursuit and demands for absolute silence, and at another point, I had a drink get poured accidentally into my lap. Thank God it was at my house...

We'll see what tonite holds in store for me. I work at 3PM. ^_^ Talk to you later.

XOXO,
Brian